Hopes and Fears
by mdelpin
Summary: When Natsu gets too close to Gray's secret they run off in a panic. Natsu worries that Gray is drifting away from him and he sets out to get Gray to trust him enough to tell him what's wrong. Includes a character exploring gender and comes after They. This is my 11th entry for When We Take Different Paths (wwtdp), an @ftlgbtales tumblr event. This is for Day 31.


Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong To Hiro Mashima.

When We Take Different Paths Week 5 - Spooky Tales

Pairing: Natsu x Gray

Prompt: "I thought you agreed I should wear this costume to the party tonight?" "Oh I agreed to you wearing it tonight, but I had no party in mind."

POV: Third Person Omniscient

Hopes and Fears

"Hmmmm, Graaay" Natsu moaned into Gray's mouth as he felt the delicious friction of Gray's cock grinding against his. He kissed Gray even harder, his tongue a weapon intent on conquering his boyfriend's mouth, his hips moving to the rhythm Gray had set.

Gray pulled back and gasped for breath. "Jesus man, it's not a death battle."

"I can't help it, you drive me crazy! Sometimes I just want to devour you." Natsu smirked, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "That gives me an idea..."

Gray snorted but relaxed, waiting for Natsu to do as promised. Natsu was very, very good at giving pleasure. Soon they were back to kissing, and Natsu's hands began to explore Gray's body with gentle touches that soon became more demanding. Mouth followed hands, and both started a slow descent south, tongue dipping into the sensitive areas discovered over years of exploring the landscape of Gray's body. The sensations Natsu was inciting elicited moans and pleas out of Gray that would not be quieted.

An alarm tried to pierce Gray's pleasure-filled haze but was ultimately ignored as those hands moved ever closer to jean buttons, and Gray quivered, cock already twitching with anticipation.

Ever a tease, Natsu's hands dipped inside the waistband choosing to knead well-toned muscles before claiming his prize. Gray finally realized what the alarm had been when the hands that had been in constant movement suddenly stopped.

"Gray, what-" Natsu tried to ask but before he could get any further Gray had already grabbed his shirt and was putting it back on. "Love? Where are you-."

"I-I have to go. I forgot Mom needed me to help her with… something." A very red-faced Gray said as he practically ran out the door, leaving a very confused Natsu standing half-naked in his living room.

"What the hell just happened?" Natsu asked the empty room.

He stood for a few moments before beginning to pace. Was that girl's underwear? As far as he knew they didn't make guy underwear like that. But why would Gray be wearing girls underwear? Did he lose a bet?

Is that what's he's been hiding all this time? That thought made him pause for a moment. Gray had been hiding something for a while, of that he was sure.

Is that why he's been spending all that time by himself? He slumped on his couch and tried to work through this thoughts. Gray had wanted to stay home more and more, and now that he thought about it, his appearance had been changing too. The change was gradual, but it was definitely there. Gray had grown out his hair. He'd pierced both his ears, but only ever wore the one earring. Which made no sense, really. And sometimes after one of those nights alone, he'd have nail polish remnants on his fingernails. The more he thought about it, the more a pattern was emerging, and only one thing could explain it. Gray liked to dress up like a girl.

Natsu sat in the dark and let that thought steep for a while. The bigger questions now were, how had he never noticed before and what was it going to mean to their relationship? He didn't have an answer to either, but that didn't stop him from spending a long sleepless night worrying about it.

o-o

Gray left on a school trip soon after and had not made any attempt to contact Natsu or even return any of his texts. Natsu had tried to talk to Gray's mom about it, but she would only say that if they were having a problem, he was talking to the wrong person.

Natsu tried not to dwell on Gray's silence and used his absence to think of ways to bring up the topic. He had come to one conclusion on his sleepless night, and it was this - he loved Gray, and if this were a part of him, then he would learn to love it too. He felt good about this decision, but it wasn't enough.

He wanted Gray to talk to him about it, to trust him. He drummed his fingers on his thigh, a nervous gesture he'd never been quite able to get rid of, and thought of how he could do that. After a few minutes, Natsu began to smile remembering it was his turn to pick their Halloween costumes this year. He opened up a browser on his phone and began to search.

It was now a week later, and Natsu paced around his small apartment anxiously as he waited for Gray to arrive. Every few minutes he would stop and look at the garment bag that was hanging in his coat closet. He knew he was taking a significant risk and he was terrified. Was it too much, was it too soon? Since Igneel had left, Gray and Mika were the only family he had, and if he lost Gray, he would be alone.

He heard a quiet knock on his door and hurried to open it. Gray entered the apartment, and from the many years they'd known each other Natsu could easily tell that his boyfriend was slightly on edge. Natsu closed the door behind him and immediately launched into their version of normal.

"I missed you, you asshole." he complained, "You could have at least texted me, you know."

"I… you're right. They had us running around nonstop, but you're right. I should have tried harder." Gray clasped their hands nervously and launched into an apology. "Listen, about last time, I'm sorry I ran off like that."

Natsu shrugged, considering the matter insignificant compared to what was coming. He was much more concerned with how Gray would react to the contents of the garment bag. "Hey, your mom needed you, what're you going to do?"

"So...we're okay?" Gray asked surprised that the conversation had gone so smoothly.

"Of course." Natsu grinned as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and felt strong arms squeeze him back. He kissed Gray's cheek before they separated, enjoying the feel of the slight stubble on his lips.

Gray smiled at the gesture and kissed Natsu on the lips. "I missed you too, dork."

Gray had spent the entire week worrying about whether Natsu had noticed anything or not but had been too afraid to ask. They had always been worried about what Natsu would think if he ever found out, but over time their need to wear something that reflected how they felt on some days had been too much. They usually only wore the underwear when they knew they were not going to end up at Natsu's apartment. Gray loved Natsu's touches too much to forego them, but that night they had gotten carried away and had forgotten.

It had been their mother's idea that they try the underwear since it was something they could easily hide and Gray was still far from comfortable wearing anything other than their male clothes outside of their apartment.

Gray and their mother had experimented a few months earlier. She had driven them to a restaurant two hours away from Magnolia, and it had been a nightmare. Gray could feel everyone's eyes on them, heard some of the whispers. They had felt so uncomfortable with the scrutiny that they had left and gotten drive-thru instead. They'd cried as their mother tried to comfort them as best she could.

Today Gray was feeling good though, comfortable in their own skin and full of ideas of things they wanted to do to Natsu later to make up for their hasty exit and absence. They just had to get through this Halloween party, and they could spend the rest of the night picking up where they had left off. Gray smiled in anticipation.

They settled into Natsu's couch, and Gray began to tell him about the trip while Natsu listened or rather, pretended to. Gray could see that Natsu was drumming his fingers on his thighs, something he did when he was anxious. He was distracted as well, his gaze continually shifting towards his closet.

"And then the teacher's dress caught on fire at the restaurant, and all the students threw the water from their glasses at her." Gray finished, expecting some type of over the top response to his fabrication but none came.

"Mhmm," Natsu commented.

"Alright, what's the matter?" Gray raised an eyebrow.

Natsu just looked down at the floor. "That obvious?"

Gray just nodded, not entirely sure where this was going, but Natsu's behavior was beginning to make them anxious as well.

"We should get ready for the party. Your costume is over there in the black garment bag." Natsu pointed towards the closet.

Gray groaned, they'd been dreading this moment. "Please tell me it's not an anime thing this time." Two years ago Natsu had them go as Naruto and Sasuke from Naruto.

"Not exactly. It is a famous couple though." Natsu got up and grabbed the garment bag from the closet and handed it over. He looked nervous, Gray had to admit their curiosity was piqued. They would wear whatever it was of course. Last year it had been Gray's turn to choose, and they had gone with Merry and Pippin from The Lord of the Rings, which Natsu had not appreciated.

They opened the garment bag and stared at the contents. There was a red wig, a dress that looked like a lot of colorful patches stitched together and some heeled boots along with a small container of blue body makeup and some other things they recognized from their experiments in their room. Despite themself, a tiny sliver of excitement was trying to creep up their spine as they stared at what could only be a costume of Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas, one of the movies they had loved as kids.

No! Those two worlds could not collide, not yet anyway. A voice that sounded suspiciously like their mother spoke up in their head in response. You're going to have to tell him eventually, why not now? The words sounded good, but the worry that Natsu would never look at them the same way resounded louder.

"Not to state the obvious but this is a woman's costume." Gray managed to say calmly.

"Actually, it's not." Natsu laughed, his nerves making it sound somewhat high pitched and then he started babbling. "It's a men's medium actually. I tried it on, but it was too big on me. It should fit you nicely, though." He laughed again, this time wringing his hands. "Uhm, you don't have to wear it if you don't want to. We can come up with something else." He looked about ready to cry. "It was stupid, I'll return it. I'm sorry."

Gray watched Natsu have a small meltdown over the costume and felt their heart melt. 'Natsu, what's this about?" They asked, keeping their voice soft to not upset him any further.

"I know," Natsu said simply and let the words hang between them.

"You know what?" Gray tried to keep calm, but they could already tell it was going to be a losing battle.

"The nail polish, the longer hair, the earrings, the underwear. I know." Natsu said, lifting his eyes to meet Gray's.

"Y-you know?" Gray felt trapped in those eyes, and for the first time in their shared life, they were not able to read Natsu. There were too many emotions swimming in those eyes that they'd always loved. They felt the first stirrings of fear, but they managed to hold their ground.

"Yeah, I thought there was something wrong at first, but you still seemed to be okay with me. You are okay with me, aren't you?" Natsu pleaded, his eyes becoming even bigger and Gray wasn't even sure how that was possible. They could almost touch the fear that was rolling off of Natsu in waves and realized something they'd forgotten in their own fear. Natsu was alone. Igneel had abandoned him for unknown reasons last year, and they and their mother were all he had left.

"Oh, Natsu." They wanted to hug him, to tell him everything was okay but they knew that wasn't what Natsu wanted to hear. Natsu was asking for the truth, and Gray finally acknowledged they could not keep things from their boyfriend any longer. Their fear was beginning to hurt Natsu, and that wasn't fair. "Yes, I- ugh this is so hard to explain."

"Please tell me, Gray. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad. I don't like it when you keep things from me. It reminds me too much of how Igneel acted right before he left."

"I'm not going anywhere, Natsu," Gray assured their boyfriend. "It's not that easy to explain. I-" At that point, they decided it was easier to show him than tell him. "Ugh, I'll be right back."

Gray grabbed the garment bag and went into the bathroom. They stripped down to their underwear and left their clothes on the floor. When they took the dress off the hanger, they saw it was indeed a men's medium. Natsu had actually tried to get them something that fit properly. The costume had padding built into the chest area, and Gray had to stop and wipe their eyes.

Stupid idiot. Natsu had put a lot of thought into this, even though he had no real understanding of the situation. With a deep breath, they put the costume on and looked in the mirror. It felt wrong to be wearing a dress on a day that they didn't feel the need for it but they tried not to dwell on it, reminding themself it was only a costume. They put the heeled boots on as well, noticing they were also done in men's sizing. More and more Gray wondered where Natsu had gotten all these things.

They finger brushed their hair trying to tame the spikes they had worked in with gel earlier until their longer hair framed their face and softened their features. Gray rummaged through the garment bag, looking for the bag of makeup they'd noticed earlier. There had definitely been eyeliner in there along with the blue paint and apparently red lipstick as well. They painstakingly made up their face. Might as well show him the whole picture. Gray made themself look the most attractive they knew how hoping it would be enough for Natsu to accept them.

Gray's heart was racing, and their stomach was threatening to revolt as they finally opened the bathroom door and stepped out. There would be no turning back, once Natsu saw them he would know their secret and all they could hope for was that Natsu would see beyond the clothes and still see them.

While they had changed into their costume, Natsu had also changed into his. He was dressed in the black pants and the black, thin white striped, long-tailed jacket of Jack Skellington. A spider bow tie hung around his neck, and a cartoonish mask was on his head. His feet were still bare.

"Take it off Natsu, you don't get to hide behind a mask while I expose myself to you," Gray said firmly.

"You're right, I'm sorry," Natsu said as he took the mask off his head and looked properly chastened. "I just didn't want to screw up." He stared at Gray eyeing him up and down without saying a word for several minutes.

"Please say something," Gray begged, the silence in the room was oppressive, and every second that passed they felt more and more vulnerable.

"You look different," Natsu said finally and gave Gray a small smile. "Good, but different."

Gray relaxed a little. At least Natsu didn't appear to be disgusted. He walked over to them and offered his hand. Gray accepted it and let Natsu lead them back to the couch. They sat in silence for a few minutes, each catching their breath and preparing themselves for the conversation that was to follow.

Natsu finally broke the silence. "Can I ask questions?"

"Yeah, but you need to understand that I might not have good answers for you. I still don't really understand everything myself."

"What does this mean?" Natsu asked, and he watched Gray intently, awaiting a response with a seriousness that was unlike him.

Gray sighed, of course, he would ask the hardest question first. They held on to Natsu's hand, deriving comfort even though they felt like everything was up in the air.

Gray thought for a moment, trying to come up with words that would make Natsu understand how they felt. "Sometimes, I just... I don't feel comfortable in my own body, I feel like I'm all wrong. The best way I can explain it is it's like having an itch all over my body, and when I feel that way, wearing women's clothes, it helps. It's not just the clothes though, it's me. I feel right, it feels like who I am, and the itch goes away for a while."

Natsu remained quiet, seemingly thinking about what Gray had just told him.

"What are you thinking, Natsu?" Gray asked, Natsu's expression seemed calm for the moment, but they were still worried.

"How long have you known that you were like this?"

Gray flinched, this was the actual question they had been dreading. "For the last three years or so. Please don't be upset, the only person who knows is my mom." They added hurriedly when they saw Natsu's expression change to one of hurt.

"Why wouldn't you tell me though?" Natsu asked slowly, trying to contain his emotions before they could overtake him. "You've always been able to tell me anything. Did...did you think that I would leave?"

Gray nodded, starting to get teary. "When it first started to happen I thought there was something wrong with me. I was scared of what it meant. All I could think about was what my mom would think and of losing you. I couldn't take that chance. Why would you want to be with a freak like me?"

"You're not a freak!" Natsu burst out angrily, before sighing. "Look, I thought you just liked to wear women's clothing every once in a while but this, this is much more than that. It's a lot to take in."

Natsu noticed the sad expression on Gray's face and tried to put himself in his boyfriend's place. He thought about how scary it must have been for him to have to deal with all those feelings by himself and to feel like he had to hide his true self from everyone, including those closest to him. Natsu felt a surge of pride as he thought of how strong and brave Gray was and he knew without a doubt that the love he held for him was stronger than any worries he might have. He had set out to learn Gray's secret already thinking that if it were a part of him, he would learn to love it. Nothing he had learned tonight changed that. Natsu let go of Gray's hand and smiled at him.

"Hey, none of that." Natsu murmured soothingly as he ran his fingers through his lover's raven hair. "I admit I'm confused and a little hurt that you didn't tell me sooner but I think I understand." He paused for a moment, trying to put his feelings into words. "I love you, Gray. Man, woman, or whoever you feel like, it doesn't matter to me because inside all of them is you. "

"Really?" Gray asked, wanting desperately for Natsu to understand, to accept them for who they were. It was all they'd hoped for ever since they had started trying to understand themself.

"Mhhm" Natsu hummed as he kissed Gray's jaw and continued kissing, his lips moving ever closer to his boyfriend's ear. He blew softly and whispered, "I..I also think you look kinda hot."

"You think I look hot like this?" Gray asked with a twinge of excitement even as his body began to react to Natsu's kisses.

Natsu pulled back so that he could give him a serious answer, his hand moving to caress Gray's cheek as he talked. "I kind of do. Your eyes look even more amazing than they normally do." He let himself get lost in their beauty before moving his gaze down to Gray's mouth. "and your lips...look really kissable. Can I?"

Natsu's sultriness was turning Gray on, and they eagerly closed the distance between them and kissed Natsu's lips. Natsu returned their kiss with passion, his hands moving over the sides of their body even as he sat back and let them take control. Gray moved to straddle their boyfriend, rearranging the skirt of their dress as they did so. They had to laugh as they saw their boyfriend's mouth covered in red.

"What's so funny?" Natsu asked confused by the change in mood.

"Nothing, we should get cleaned up if we're going to make it to that party."

"Oh, hell no. I like the party we have going on right here." Natsu hugged Gray tightly, and Gray could feel Natsu's desire press against them as they hugged back.

"Are you sure?" Gray frowned, the Halloween Party was something Natsu looked forward to every year.

"It's just a party, there'll be another one next year." Natsu shrugged. He looked at Gray, his desire only slightly muted as he said, "I know we have a lot more to talk about but can I just have some time to adjust to this much first?"

"Of course." To be honest, Gray was relieved, what they had gotten through tonight was enough for now. Natsu had given his acceptance, and it felt good. Their body was loaded with endorphins, and they suddenly remembered their previous plans for the evening.

Gray smirked and used the voice they knew made Natsu weak. "How would you like to be fucked senseless by a guy in a dress?"

Natsu startled at the description but grinned. "I guess there's a first time for everything but how about this instead? First one on the bed gets to top."

Natsu tried to charge into the room, but Gray tripped him and tried to make his way into the bedroom only to be surprised by Natsu managing to grab his leg. They laughed and wrestled as they each tried to reach the bed first.

Gray sighed happily, same old Natsu. Everything was going to be okay after all.


End file.
